jokes on Bush

Iraqis

2007-03-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We're getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi's and one blonde."

The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"

President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn't care about the Iraqi's."

The First Lady's patriotic duties

2007-03-14T23:19:00.002-07:00

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common?
They both go down in the name of the president

The First Lady's patriotic duties

2007-03-14T23:19:00.001-07:00

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common?
They both go down in the name of the president

Puppet?

2007-03-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

President George W. Bush was getting angry about the public opinion of his ability to govern, so he arranged a press conference to let the American public know what was on his mind.
He started strongly, "The American People must know that I am wholly fit, capable, and prepared to serve this nation as commander-in-chief. And I say to those people who believe that I don't have a mind of my own..." Bush said and froze. He looked over at Cheney and whispered, "Dick, what do I say to them again...?"

Bush's Winning Campaign Slogans

2007-03-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

1. I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.

3. I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.

4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?

5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.

6. I promise no sex scandal -- just look at me!

7. New penal plan: I won't use mine!

8. Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.

9. George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers.

10. Vote for Bush and against Common Sense

War Pigs

2007-03-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Powell and Rumsfeld?” The barkeep says, “Yep, that’s them.” So, the guy walks over to the two and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?” Rumsfeld says, “We’re planning World War III,” to which the guy replies, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Rumsfeld says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.” And the guy exclaims, “Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman!?!” With that, Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Afghans!”

Bomb

2007-03-10T07:34:00.000-08:00

Bush: My fellow Americans, prepare to die. I accidentally sent my wife's birthday gift to bin Laden instead of a bomb. When he receives the negligee I'm afraid he won't be happy. Unfortunately, my wife will receive the bomb. At least ONE good thing will come of this!

Future Handicapping

2007-03-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

Teacher Arrested

2007-03-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Button Smashers

2007-03-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices 3 buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about 5 minutes, Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the 2 countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much else but say "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!" Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. Asthe 2 men sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the American's revenge. They begin talking and Saddam is uncooperative, Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Bush snickers. A few seconds later, as Hussein continues his belligerence, Bush presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. As things progress, then the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!" Bush then says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad???”

Pulling His Cheney

2007-03-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, "Dick Cheney hanged himself in his bathroom!"
Colin Powell says "Oh, No! Did you cut him down?"

"Cut him down?" asks George W. "How could I cut him down? He wasn`t dead yet!"

Bush's Favor

2007-03-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."

The little man says, "Buzz off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking

weapons

2007-03-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

Maxico has discovered oil under the Gulf of Maxico. In a related story, Dubya accused of having waepons of mass destruction.

Library

2007-03-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

Plans were announced to raise $300 million for the George W Bush Presidential Library.... $300 million !!!!!That's almost $150 million per book !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oil

2007-03-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

A US submarine collided with a Japanese oil tanker. When he heard about it, Bush called immediately to make sure the oil was okay .......!!!!!!!

Book

2007-03-07T07:35:00.000-08:00

Bush's daughter, Jenna, is trying to get a book deal to write about her life in the White House. Dubya is very upset.....he will have to read another book..........!!!!!!!!!!

Global warming

2007-03-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

President Bush has the answer to global warming. He is going to send 20,000 troops to the sun...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

same teacher

2007-03-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Dubya likes to keep the same people. Ithink he got this from having the third grade teacher year after year !!!!!!!!!

cheerful Bush

2007-03-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

At a press conference yesterday, Bush was upbeat,cheerful and optimistic. That's right.......He is drinking again.!!!!!!!!!

Dow Jones !!!!!!!!!

2007-03-03T05:03:00.000-08:00

President Bush visited the New York Stock Exchange. It was an akward moment when he asked,"When do I get to meet Dow Jones?"

30th Feb

2007-03-03T04:57:00.000-08:00

This morning my administration relased the budget numbers for fiscal 2006- the year that ended February the 30th: George Bush.

tax

2007-03-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

It's a tax time and President Bush is saving a lot on taxes this year. He is writing off his entire second term!!!!!!!!!

silly!!!

2007-01-05T03:15:00.000-08:00

President Bush is so stupid, he tried to hide in a corner in the Oval Office.

pimp

2007-01-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush?
A pimp with a speech impediment.

silver spoon in nose!!!!

2007-01-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

During his campaign, George W. Bush and his advisors were discussing spin control on his past drug problems.
"Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college?"

"It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose.

bush is a puppet

2006-12-23T21:18:00.000-08:00

drug!!!!!!!!

2006-12-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

math teacher

2006-12-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

Make the world happy

2006-12-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.

George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then John Adams says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane

reward!!

2006-12-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

One day there were three boys walking down the street, and suddenly they heard cries for help. When the boys got to the noise they saw George W. Bush in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning.
Dubya asked the boys how he could ever repay him. The first boy said, "I want a boat."

The second boy said, "I want a truck."

And the third boy said, "I want three tombstones with our names all on them."

Dubya asked, "Why is that, son?"

The little boy said, "Because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!"

plastic surgeon

2006-12-20T19:26:00.000-08:00

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

jog

2006-12-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.
The little boy said, "Republicans."

The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!"

A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?"

The boy said, "Democracts"

Bush looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!"

The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes

Clinton, Bush and Washington

2006-12-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.
As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''

George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''

And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''

puzzle

2006-12-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it. The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."

Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."

Respecting the First Lady

2006-12-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order.
''I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,'' answers the President.

''But sir, what about the mad cow?!!'' asks the waiter.

''Oh,'' answers Dubya, ''she'll order for herself.''

Knock Knock: Dumb...

2006-12-18T18:15:00.000-08:00

Knock Knock.
Who's there?

Dumbass.

Dumbass who?

You know, President Bush.

Bush's Tragedy

2006-12-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

hungry Bush

2006-12-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

One hungry Bush...

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

jokes on Bush!!!!

2006-12-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

I would like to share few fantastic jokes on president bush so Laugh Out Loud!!!!!!!!!
Texas Transplant

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing George W. Bush's visit to their ranch earlier that day.
"The funniest part," the first one said, "was when he kept trying to honk the cow's horns, complaining that they didn't work."

They laughed, and then the second cowboy said, "No, the best was when he asked if being a cowboy meant that I was half-cow."

They all laughed louder, and then the third cowboy said, "No, boys, the best was when he tried to milk that steer!"